You can't special order awesome
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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