If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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