He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
