Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
