Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
