I must be too annoying 4 u.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
