I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
