I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
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