Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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