I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
