She is in my trunk
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
