I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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