why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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