hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
