I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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