Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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