He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
