You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
