the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
