did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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