yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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