I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
