I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
