he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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