Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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