I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
