you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
