you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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