If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
