My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
