And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
