The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.