you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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