She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
