Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
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YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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