I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
