I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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