No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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