anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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