I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
