If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
