My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
they need to just BURY HIM!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
