I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
