I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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