Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
