This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
