So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize