everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's shark week go big or go home
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
