After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
