she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
