How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
