I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Randomize
