mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
