I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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