Where did you get a picture of my penis
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'