I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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