My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
