They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
