I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Banned from zoo.
Again?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
