i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I intend to get homeless drunk
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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