You're my little dorito
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
