You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
