new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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