dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
