I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
wow bdsm is so cute
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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