the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
