JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
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HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
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you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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