Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
