dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
