you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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