My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
