you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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