Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
